Who I am with you

I don’t even know where to begin. Sometimes in life you meet someone who becomes your everything without you even realizing it. Sure you notice feelings & that you start to care but one day it really hits you just how much this person means to you. I’ve loved before & I know when you’re in that relationship you think it’s the best one you’ve had & when it’s over mostly you say nothing but bad things. That’s not me – it wasn’t all bad or you wouldn’t have been there to start with, but it wasn’t right obviously because it ended.

My ex N & I had good times, sure but we also argued a decent bit but somehow I thought that was okay & that’s what people did. I’m not saying you’ll find someone you never argue with but we were arguing way too much. Not to mention he had no financial comprehension at all. I’m not saying I’m Dave Ramsey but interest rate meant nothing to him. It was just a bad relationship, that had some good moments. I don’t regret the relationship at all though because I learned SO much from it. I learned a lot about picking battles because I too had to learn that we weren’t going to agree all the time & there needed to be compromise. Sadly, he didn’t learn that so much – he practically had temper tantrums & blew almost everything out’ve proportion. Gosh I don’t miss that part a bit! As far as picking battles & this may sound stupid but it was simple stuff like flipping your shirt right side out before putting it in the laundry basket. Yes, I know how stupid that sounds but it drove me nuts for some reason & considering the only thing he had to help with around the house was dishes & trash – by his own volunteering – I didn’t think it was too bad. Not to mention I’d taught both his young children to do it so why couldn’t he learn lol Again, I know now it’s not worth fighting over but I did get to a point once where I refused to wash the shirts unless he fixed them haha Oh, young love. He also would never pull the shower curtain shut or hang up a towel after a shower. Now this wasn’t just me being picky, it helped them dry better & prevent mold/smells. Apparently that also was too much for him to do. I’m not saying I’m perfect by any means at all, but this post isn’t about me. & I get that this next one depends on each individual person but he could be an idiot when he was drinking. Not always, but there were times he was loud or a bit embarrassing. It wasn’t unbearable, I just preferred it not to happen a lot. We also had much bigger issues that he wasn’t willing to work on or compromise – financial stuff, his temper, etc – the real problems. Anyway we split in early 2012 & actually got along somewhat better after the split. We stayed on decent terms too so there was no hate or hard feelings, we both had issues that caused the relationship to end & that’s okay – I’m thankful for the lessons I learned from it. & also the time spent with his beautiful children that I loved as my own.

Then there was the live in boyfriend last year who also had the pet peeve problems. He actually had some financial sense thankfully but no drive whatsoever for his life which was sad because he has a lot of potential. He was a wonderful guy though & we only got in a couple arguments in the time we were together but we just weren’t on the same page of where we needed to be in our lives so it didn’t work. He also didn’t flip his shirts & he normally wore 2 – a long sleeve under a t-shirt so it was double annoying, but I dealt with it because I’d learned from N. He also didn’t really get the shower things either though sometimes he would do it but only if he felt like it I guess? I’m not sure. Either way it seemed hopeless that any man would be able to do those things & I just accepted it as something to deal with & not pick a battle over – it wasn’t that big of a deal & again I wasn’t perfect either. He however was worse with the drinking thing. He was kind’ve loud in general due to a small hearing issue but when he drank it became worse & he lost all social clues. One time at my parents my dad & I ended up getting in an argument because T wasn’t picking up that he should shut up & just stop. That was a bad night & I wasn’t even drinking. When we got home I ended up sleeping on the couch I was SO mad which is something I’d never done before. Regardless of the argument I was big on sleeping in the same bed even if there were no cuddles but that’s how mad I was. I knew then that it was about to be over. Also to add he woke up at some point & peed in my kitchen floor, put his socks in it, dropped his boxers in the laundry room & put on my shirt that was laid on the washer drying. He woke up the next morning & didn’t remember any of it. I thought in time that would end up being a funny story, but no it’s still not funny at all it just floors me — mainly because the argument with my dad because I could get over the pee stuff but it was just the icing on the cake.

Then R came along & it’s all down here from there. It started as just friends hanging out a couple times a week then it moved to several days & then it got up to 4 nights a week we were spending together. I knew I kind’ve had feelings for him but who wouldn’t when you spend that much time together? We were still trying to keep things as just friends though because honestly I wasn’t really looking to be in another relationship & neither was he so there was no pressure on either one of us, we just had a good time together. Then I caught myself in bed one night as we were going to sleep literally thanking God for allowing him to be in my life as a tear rolled down my cheek. Gosh, that sounds so cheesy & girly & I’m neither of those things lol But it’s very true & it happened & that’s when I realized just how much he meant to me. I’d thanked God for a lot of things before but never just simply for bringing someone into my life. Things have just always came so easy with R – we never had that awkward get to know you phase, we just went right in to being friends & joking around & I’m so thankful for that everyday. As if how he made me feel wasn’t enough, it gets even better! He flips his shirts before putting them in the laundry basket – thank you Jesus! haha He not only pulls the shower curtain shut every time but he also hangs up his towel every single time! I know they’re just little things but I appreciate them. He’s not only financially smart but he makes really good $ & doesn’t blow it on random crap very often – I feel like that’s pretty impressive for a man (no offense guys!). One of my favorite parts about him though is he doesn’t keep things bottled up, he doesn’t want to walk away when he’s annoying during a disagreement (N used to do that or wanted to leave which I was NOT okay with), he keeps his cool during arguments & I can’t say how much I appreciate that. We’ve had some heavy discussions where loud voices (not in the Anchorman way though haha)/yelling would be understood but we go there. We talked it out & end of discussion – problems were resolved & it was an amazing feeling to finally have someone who I can talk through issues like adults with. I’m not saying he doesn’t have faults – we all do but his are nothing major that I’ve found so far & thankfully he apparently doesn’t think mine are too bad either. He can also handle his alcohol like an adult. The only thing he does when he drinks really is play guitar & I’m perfectly okay with that! My point is we’ve all seen the quote “Appreciate what you have when you have it before it becomes what you had” or something along those lines & it’s SO true. I can’t ever remembering being this thankful for someone just for being in my life or appreciating so much all the time the things he does. I don’t regret the other guys because they were lessons learned & I appreciate that. I can always appreciate a lesson even if it’s one I hate. But when you have something amazing in front of you – treat it that way & let them know just how much they mean to you because maybe they don’t even know.